In the world of software engineering, especially within a consultancy environment, disagreement in a project is inevitable. We often treat disagreement as a problem to be fixed, rather than a signal to listen better. But how should we handle these disagreements and get on the same side of the table?

Why Do We Get Stuck?

Many of us, especially those with technical backgrounds, were trained to value correctness above all. From school tests to code reviews, we’re rewarded for being right, not for being curious.
This mindset can carry into meetings where disagreement arises:

• “Why don’t they get it?”
• “Am I not explaining clearly enough?”
• “They must be missing something.”

In consultancy, where stakes are high and time is tight, this tension can escalate fast. Especially when client perspectives differ from ours.

Here’s a quote I noted from a talk at a leadership meetup recently:

You can’t change them. But you can change yourself. That starts by letting go of the need to be “right.” Instead, we can lead with curiosity.

So, aim to be curious instead of immediately disagreeing and ask:

• “What else do you see that I might be missing?”
• “Tell me more — what makes you say that?”

These questions don’t just defuse tension. They open up space for mutual understanding.

Why This Matters in a Consultancy Setting

In our work at Zühlke, we act as innovation partners. That means navigating complexity across industries, stakeholders, and expectations. When we face with a disagreement, from a team member or a client, our ability to understand why is often more valuable than the ability to explain our standpoint.

This approach helps us to:

• build trust
• make wiser decisions
• understand problems more fully
• create better collaboration

A Quote That Sums It Up

Chris Voss, in Never Split the Difference, writes:

When individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully […] and become less defensive and more open to others.

This isn’t just negotiation advice. It’s a principle we can apply every day; in retrospectives, design reviews, or stakeholder calls. Disagreement is not failure. It’s a chance to practise better leadership, by shifting from “being right” to “being curious.”

So, whether you’re resolving a team discussion or aligning with a client’s vision, the question is not “How do I convince them?” It’s: “How do we move to the same side of the table?”